I’m sitting on my cozy bedroom loveseat reading in soft light, when my husband walks in, flips on the harsh overhead light and says, “You gotta help me figure out what to wear.” As my eyes adjust, so does my mind and I recall that the big boss, the big, BIG boss will be in town tomorrow. He begins throwing an array of shirts and ties across our bed and demands a verdict with his eyes. If I approach this with confidence, I might get off easy. “That blue one with the blue checked tie," I offer assuredly. His face immediately sours, “No! I always wear that.” (Not getting off easy.)
“I thought you’d never met him?”
“What? No, I haven’t met him. But I always wear that combination to important things.” (If it ain’t broke…) And so, as I realize this will only be painful for the both of us, I decide to punt. “Luuuuke!!! Seeean!! Come here!!”
You see, my husband and I are kind of like the Gift of the Magi story on steroids. He is an amazing husband. He’s thoughtful, courteous, dare I say tidy, romantic, nostalgic and a whole host of other things I don’t have time to talk about. When we were newly married he found the most awesome bed and breakfast all by his little self, complete with antique everything. Of course, I was relieved that there was a tv in the room because those were the days of Captain Comeback Jim Harbaugh and the Colts making the playoffs for the first time. He finds great restaurants, surprises and never forgets the important things.
I on the other hand, love football, football jerseys, MMA, boxing movies and telling gross stories about hideous wounds I encounter. Suffice to say, I would trust him to dress me in a heartbeat. He is, how shall we say it, “particular.”
Luke and Sean can agree on a shirt. But they immediately disagree on the tie. I don’t like either one so I’m no help whatsoever. But guess who they all want to make this decision? I thought I got disqualified in the opening heat? How quickly these things go all kinds of Jerry Springer!
Luke: “That tie is seems shorter and emphasizes your stomach more.”
Sean: “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Its yellow. Everyone knows that redheads look terrible in yellow.”
Paul dismisses them and then asks me again. As if the Holy Spirit has bestowed new gifts in the last 3 minutes. He says, “You know, the purpose of a tie is to stand out, right?” (If this were a John Grisham movie, someone would stand up right now and yell, “Objection!! Leading the witness.” “Overruled. Ms. Weathersby, you may answer the question.) “Well…’ I started slowly, ‘it seems like the.. y, y, yellow one would stand out more against the blue, than the blue.
And then confetti fell from the ceiling fan, bells and lights began going off and… ok. So that is slightly stretching it. But I did participate in helping my husband pick out clothes. Next up, quadratic equations. Come at me, bro.
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